by Joni G These are my personal beliefs and what a lady who can access the Akashic Records told me after my son left. I don't mean to offend anyone!
Since I was about 8 years old, I never bought religion's dogma of an angry, jealous God who sits in judgment of our 'sins'. I've learned He is only love; that we are an actual part of Him. Would you take a child of yours who did something you didn't agree with and throw him into the fireplace? Of course not. Neither would He! I believe Jesus came to tell us we can perform the same miracles as He, but the early church distorted the bible to give them power and control over the people, separating us from God.
When God gave us freewill, it meant He could only sit and watch. He doesn't make bad things happen - we do. He sent His Angels to us to help us along our way. He hopes we do well and He never judges. We do. In book 3 of Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch, He talks about suicide, ending with, "I don't punish. I love."
During the early days following Preston's suicide, for some reason my mind's eye was fixated on his L temple, with sweat glistening on it. It would send me into uncontrollable sobbing every time I pictured this! Why I kept seeing this, I don't know. Nothing made sense. I felt I was going out of my mind at times. My main release of these intense emotions was to get in my car and SCREAM at the top of my lungs, cursing at God and the Angels, then just SCREAMING some more. We're talkin' the terrified, monster-is-after-me screaming. The car was the only place I could do it without anyone hearing me. Three years later, I still do it once in a while! While I've come a long way accepting the fact (you have to), I still miss him like crazy and sometimes the tears will come. Most of the time, though, I treasure the gift he was to me and can smile at the memories and realize the joy he brought to my life.
Time will lessen the pain, but you must use that time to go through the whole grieving process. It's too easy to turn grief into prolonged suffering, which you and the loved one who left don't want. I don't think for a minute there is nothing more for us at 'death'. How can that energy we loved just cease to exist? It doesn't. We are eternal beings, striving for perfection. We incarnate on our 3D Earth to experience for God physically. We must know sadness to appreciate happiness. It's all part of getting there. Some suicides are charted and agreed to by everyone involved, even if we don't consciously remember.
When a person is so pained that they take that final act to leave, they are immediately enfolded by their life-long Angels' wings and cocooned in a love we can't even imagine. They are soothed and nurtured by loving beings until the trauma of their just-ended lives is gone. They are never alone, just as they weren't in life, but simply couldn't know it.
There are jobs and activities to do on the Other Side and they soon get busy, many helping other incoming suicides. They always want to assure us of their continuance, but many of us can't hear, see, or understand the signals they send! While Preston was being taken care of, a part of him was able to hang around a bit. That nite, after he'd gone, my mom's phone rang once, which was our signal to call the other. The phone rang at his father's home that nite, too, and his step-brother heard his voice (he hadn't been told what had happened yet), but nothing was registered on the caller ID or answering machine. A friend of my ex SAW him a week or so later, as did my next door neighbor, who could see our driveway and gate in her window's reflection. She saw a friend walk through the gate, followed by Preston! This was the following day. My brother that he lived with used to go astral traveling with him during sleep! He would even wake up, go to the bathroom, back to bed and pick up right where they left off.
I've only had a couple of 'knowings' - one was a dream where I felt him hugging me to let me know he was fine. That has stayed with me to this day and always will. These were enough to convince me of his continuance. I don't need to second guess them or have him try to repeat them over and over. You must trust what you get. It's not the easiest thing for them to communicate with us and then they get busy in their new lives. Of course, they always love us and will be there when it's our turn to transition back Home.
When the awful, awful pain of the first months begins to subside, you must let your guilt go. I don't think there is one of us here who hasn't suffered this damaging emotion. You can't blame yourself and they certainly don't. Let it go. This is the time when you can begin to accept what happened; that it HAS happened and there's nothing to be done that can change it. It's real. That important person is gone from this lifetime.
That void doesn't have to remain empty. You don't have to feel hollow. How did having this person in your life change you? What did this person teach you about life, yourself, and others? What was the legacy they left? As empty as they believed their lives were, there was a purpose to every single one of them, just as there is purpose in our lives. Your lives are richer, fuller, because they were in it. You understand what is truly important...and what isn't.
Since I was about 8 years old, I never bought religion's dogma of an angry, jealous God who sits in judgment of our 'sins'. I've learned He is only love; that we are an actual part of Him. Would you take a child of yours who did something you didn't agree with and throw him into the fireplace? Of course not. Neither would He! I believe Jesus came to tell us we can perform the same miracles as He, but the early church distorted the bible to give them power and control over the people, separating us from God.
When God gave us freewill, it meant He could only sit and watch. He doesn't make bad things happen - we do. He sent His Angels to us to help us along our way. He hopes we do well and He never judges. We do. In book 3 of Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch, He talks about suicide, ending with, "I don't punish. I love."
During the early days following Preston's suicide, for some reason my mind's eye was fixated on his L temple, with sweat glistening on it. It would send me into uncontrollable sobbing every time I pictured this! Why I kept seeing this, I don't know. Nothing made sense. I felt I was going out of my mind at times. My main release of these intense emotions was to get in my car and SCREAM at the top of my lungs, cursing at God and the Angels, then just SCREAMING some more. We're talkin' the terrified, monster-is-after-me screaming. The car was the only place I could do it without anyone hearing me. Three years later, I still do it once in a while! While I've come a long way accepting the fact (you have to), I still miss him like crazy and sometimes the tears will come. Most of the time, though, I treasure the gift he was to me and can smile at the memories and realize the joy he brought to my life.
Time will lessen the pain, but you must use that time to go through the whole grieving process. It's too easy to turn grief into prolonged suffering, which you and the loved one who left don't want. I don't think for a minute there is nothing more for us at 'death'. How can that energy we loved just cease to exist? It doesn't. We are eternal beings, striving for perfection. We incarnate on our 3D Earth to experience for God physically. We must know sadness to appreciate happiness. It's all part of getting there. Some suicides are charted and agreed to by everyone involved, even if we don't consciously remember.
When a person is so pained that they take that final act to leave, they are immediately enfolded by their life-long Angels' wings and cocooned in a love we can't even imagine. They are soothed and nurtured by loving beings until the trauma of their just-ended lives is gone. They are never alone, just as they weren't in life, but simply couldn't know it.
There are jobs and activities to do on the Other Side and they soon get busy, many helping other incoming suicides. They always want to assure us of their continuance, but many of us can't hear, see, or understand the signals they send! While Preston was being taken care of, a part of him was able to hang around a bit. That nite, after he'd gone, my mom's phone rang once, which was our signal to call the other. The phone rang at his father's home that nite, too, and his step-brother heard his voice (he hadn't been told what had happened yet), but nothing was registered on the caller ID or answering machine. A friend of my ex SAW him a week or so later, as did my next door neighbor, who could see our driveway and gate in her window's reflection. She saw a friend walk through the gate, followed by Preston! This was the following day. My brother that he lived with used to go astral traveling with him during sleep! He would even wake up, go to the bathroom, back to bed and pick up right where they left off.
I've only had a couple of 'knowings' - one was a dream where I felt him hugging me to let me know he was fine. That has stayed with me to this day and always will. These were enough to convince me of his continuance. I don't need to second guess them or have him try to repeat them over and over. You must trust what you get. It's not the easiest thing for them to communicate with us and then they get busy in their new lives. Of course, they always love us and will be there when it's our turn to transition back Home.
When the awful, awful pain of the first months begins to subside, you must let your guilt go. I don't think there is one of us here who hasn't suffered this damaging emotion. You can't blame yourself and they certainly don't. Let it go. This is the time when you can begin to accept what happened; that it HAS happened and there's nothing to be done that can change it. It's real. That important person is gone from this lifetime.
That void doesn't have to remain empty. You don't have to feel hollow. How did having this person in your life change you? What did this person teach you about life, yourself, and others? What was the legacy they left? As empty as they believed their lives were, there was a purpose to every single one of them, just as there is purpose in our lives. Your lives are richer, fuller, because they were in it. You understand what is truly important...and what isn't.
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